Reminiscent Winter

Today was the first day in a chain of many days forecast to be cold here. This weather excites me. It restores my mind. I am able to think more clearly. My mind explores in all directions. Tomorrow I will spend quadruple the time outside that I spent today. I look forward to that.

This return of cold has motivated me in my school work. I have done more work ahead of time than ever before, and have always met my goals.

Winter does, however, stir up quite a few memories. They are pleasant memories; they remind me of better times. The past two winters were spent relaxed with little responsibility. I remember spending time with with family and friends, having romantic moments, experiencing wondrous things for the first time...

Now I walk from place to place with my headphones blasting Electronic J-Pop or Trance, trying to forget. The voices of Perfume calm me and motivate me to keep walking forward. I continue to try to avoid looking back. But sometimes the music shuffles to old music. Music from 2007 or 2008. I find myself becoming extremely excited, listening to old tunes as the winter air chills my face and the icy wind blows my hair in front of my face. I think to myself, "This is perfect. This is the carefree feeling I've longed for."

But it does not last. The heartbreaking realisation that my life is no longer the blithe, relaxed one that I remember hurts me. I do not walk carefree. I do not wake up with a purpose. There are so many responsibilities. Romance is gone. Family is gone. Writing is [practically] gone. People are leaving my side left and right. Either by hatred or their own responsibilities, they leave.

But the old music is nice. I force a smile as I cross the street. The mass of people in front of me must be feeling similar thoughts. I wonder if they reminisce about their past winters without responsibilites. As I reach the sidewalk, my music shuffles to Electronica and I continue walking. Those are nice memories. But this is my new world.