Recently, each choice that I have had to make has felt so monumental yet monstrous. Sometimes I find myself deeply regretting a choice immediately after making it. Unfortunately, it is usually too late to undo my mistakes. However, when there is a chance to make the the choice again, I usually choose the opposite option. Regrettably, afterwards, I want to go back once more. Some choices are better left without a second option.
Why are my choices becoming so important ? Because I have suddenly realised that my life is very finite. The first two decades of my life are coming to an abrupt close. There is not much more time for relaxing or fun. It becomes more difficult to live with each day that goes by. That realisation often persuades me to make choices that benefit me before anyone else. Is there much wrong with that ? This is my life. And with every passing day, I feel as if I am closer to my death. Perhaps I am predicting an early death, but such superstitious thinking is ridiculous.
There are so many things I want to do, yet so many things that I must do. They hold me back. I want more time. I want unlimited time.
But I am dying.
2 comments:
Sadly, the importance of benefiting oneself before others is merely a part of our culture.
While I wish that I could prevent your death, I know that I cannot. I hope that, at the very least, you can find some use for it.
Death, of course, is imminent. After you die, you will either lose consciousness completely or you will no longer be conscious of your previous existence. If you are not going to have an opportunity to regret what you have or have not done in life when you are dead, why waste the precious time you have now dwelling on what you regret now or what you might in the future?
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